Sexuality

Sex, Tea and the King-Servant Game

Sexual desires

Last time I wrote about the simple statement ‘Stop, I don’t like it’ when someone , it does not matter who, touches you and it does not feel right. https://thepositivefeministphilosopher.com/2018/12/20/your-body-is-your-body/

A while ago I had an incident about this with someone who claimed: “but we had agreed we could have friendship AND sex!?”

Sex like a cup of tea

Yes we can. But not at ANY moment! Like my good friend Ingrid, I compare this with drinking a cup of tea. You may have asked yesterday for a cup of black tea with milk and no sugar yesterday and really enjoyed drinking it. Yet this does not mean that you want the same tea today. Maybe you want it without milk and with sugar. Or pure. Or herbal tea. Or no tea at all, but a strong cup of coffee now.

Lap dog

Well my reply did not go very well in the above-mentioned incident. He became angry and said he felt like a lap dog having to beg for a cookie each time. So that was that. End of the friendship too. But it can also open a great time of experiments for both of you of what you like and in what way at a particular time.

King-Servant game

An easy and pleasurable way to practice this with a partner playing the Yin-Yang or King-Servant game. You put the alarm-clock for twenty minutes and the person who starts of being the king or queen declares a very specific wish and the way it should be executed. The ‘servant’ feels whether he or she can do this within his or her boundaries and tries to do it exactly as requested. If it is beyond the other person’s boundaries, he or she proposes something that lies within it and still goes in the direction of the request. After twenty minutes the roles will be reversed.

So be aware of routines and always ask what and how the other person would like now. Have fun in playing!

Woman enjoying a cup of tea.
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Geen categorie, Sexuality

Your body is YOUR body

Recently I read that Emperor Joseph II of the Austrian empire abolished serfdom `by royal decision’ in 1781.

Serfdom; I thought, what is that exactly? In Dutch it is called lijfeigenschap,in German Leibeigenschaft,in Spanish servidumbre and in French bondage servage. It means according to Wikipedia: `the situation that someone’s body is considered as the property of the ruler in a certain geographical area’. In England it became obsolete in the 15th till 16th century, claimes Wikipedia.

Oh really? How many husbands, boyfriends and those who consider themselves boyfriends find it normal or `their right’ to touch you everywhere without asking you whether you like it. As if your body was theirs, their property to serve them. How many of them consider themselves implicitly as being the rulers in the geographical area: your bed, your house or anywhere near them. (The same applies of course to women touching men.)

Yet as I told my son since he was 3 years old,` your body is your body and yours only. If someone,  it does not matter who, touches you and you don’t like it, tell them. Say with an earnest face and with your hand upwards: Stop/No, I don’t like it. That is all. No explanations needed’.

So it does not matter whether we are married or had incredible sex yesterday. If you don’t like it, you don’t like it. Full stop. Of course you must not have put your feelings away. Otherwise you will ignore the warning signs of your body. And then you lose the control over your life. You only have one life and one body, so remember…

your body is  your body!

Foto door Quang Anh Ha Nguyen op Pexels.com